I never saw it coming

Once special in my world
I confided in you and thought the world of you
Memories passed between us like notes passed between teens
Secrets, ambition, and personal success
You knew all of it
I considered you my friend
You were much more than that
You were a blood relative and not the distant sort
You made me feel like I had an older brother
You always showed your support
In relationships, poetry, and even in my anger
I thought it was only right that we work together
Working together to create something dynamic
Something beautiful in this twisted planet
We fed off each other's energy
I always felt like I was on auto pilot
But you were always there next to me
We had dreams of building an empire and making names for ourselves in this writing game
Both styles so erratic and filled with mystique
Half the time I thought it was just a dream, but you always seemed to know the ending
See you understood me even when I didn't know what I meant
You helped clarify, made me dig deeper, and get profound with this shit
That's why it hurt so much when the day I find out your not really my friend
You wrote words of anger that I deduced you to be telling the truth
People that lash out have nothing to lose
Or in your case you had nothing more to prove
I stuck by your side for so many years even when I felt you were wrong
I still didn't let the words from my mouth grace your ears
I had kept it inside for so long I was tired of being passive and letting you get away with the many things unsaid
So much hate and malice in your heart
Aimed at the innocent that never played a part
You used  to be filled with love and genuine and sincerity thoughts
Such a troubled soul, yet you can't part truth from the reality that you only know
Still in disbelief on how you verbally slaughtered me
I never saw it coming
Some things can be forgiven
But not when you can come at me that hard
Now it amazes me how you hold your head up
And go on like nothing happened
How we live in the same city
And now everything is ass backwards
Once close cousins, and best friends, somewhat like a brother
I thought would be till the end
No more piloting this creative cloud we once shared
The light has grown dim
The love and friendship has met it's demise
I won't ever forget what you said to me, not for a long time
One would hope that it can be restored
I don't count on it happening
You can't fake it and ignore
The tension that has been built
I have no ill feelings
I just simply won't forget

Self reflection

"Self-reflection"

I never know why
Always having to face this thing called reality
It never sinks
I'm thinking the time ran out
Or maybe it was never in place
My only options
Success or failure
What will it be
My strengths will make me who I am
But my weaknesses have the ability to fail me
Always withholding
Never wanting to trust
For I've seen the bigger picture
It filled me with disgust
I struggle to believe in myself
A true struggle or a weakness
I constantly ask myself
Love songs and heart breaks
My body feels as though I've been stoned
I can never be certain if I'm telling myself the truth
Or things I wish I would hear
Broken homes and dreams
I come from both
I know all too well what they mean
Drowning in statistics
I fight for survival and not to become a percentage

She chose too late

She opened her legs too quick
Not fully knowing what she got herself into
She fell too deep
Fell for those man charms
Fell for his lies
His broken promises
She took a huge chance on love
Only for her first time to be a mistake
She fell for his apologizes his baby I love you
She fell repeatedly
Trapped by this man
Under his watchful command
She withered and withered
No longer the young woman she was growing into
All because she fell for the wrong one
Having to understand real soon that this is not a game
She chose to late to choose
To choose which way her life was going
Now she stares at this ring on her finger
That this abusive man has given her
Knowing that this piece of jewelry comes with expected implications
Sex when he wants
Even if she is in the middle of bleeding
No say in what she wears, it's so bad there is no opinion on what she watches on tv
Totally dependent on him
He's the sole breadwinner
Her family has tried to reach her
Now it's just too late
Her parents died in a car accident
He wouldn't let her grieve for them
He's taken over her whole life, existence and being
She has many regrets
But none are worse than what she said to her parents when she was still naive
She sits in this house day in and day out
Praying for someone to help her find a way out
She's given up on God, turned her back on Jesus
In her mind she waited to late to be forgiven
She walks on egg shells
Waiting to be cussed out or hit
All the while thinking
I was never destined for this
She grows old and weary
 unfortunately complacent in this chaos
This is all she's ever known
It's beyond to late to leave him

Unfiltered Honesty

Unfiltered honesty


I am not perfect, I have never claimed to be
I am flawed like the rest of you
I have deep scars, I have wounds that have never healed
Memories that make me paranoid
Sometimes I just don't know how to deal
I carry all this pain, bitterness and anger
It's often thrown at the wrong ones
I often have to check myself
And get myself under control
For I feel like lashing out too often to count
I have nightmares that haunt me while I'm awake
I'm affected by fatigue
But who the hell can sleep with the things chasing me in my dreams
I have lost relationships and friendships because I set out to find where I'm truly meant to be
In the deep recesses of my heart I long for things that I can't seem to attain
I would hate to settle for a man that simply doesn't love me the same way
The future scares the shit out of me
For I know not what I'm doing or where I'm going
I can't begin to wonder about who I can trust and lean on
I am deeply flawed
I am skeptical when it comes to things
I have to really think sometimes
Because honestly I hate to feel left out
I hate to be out of the loop concerning family and friends
But there isn't anything I can do about that
I try not to live in the past
But I feel like it's always in the present
I can't outrun the memories of my childhood
Because sadly it's what made me who i am
I bleed, I cry, I feel pain, I feel pissed off
I'm an emotional being
Sometimes I can't handle what I feel
I feel like I'm being caged
I just want my freedom
Unfortunately someone has the reins tightened on me
I wanna scream and shout
And not with joy
For my heart knows only pain and suffering
If I had the choice I would leave and disappear
I would be a lot happier than most
Life is so difficult
Sometimes I want to shed all my tears
Dealing with loss and tragedy
For five years strong
This pain is still harboring
Making me bitter and cold
They were taken too soon
I mask all these feelings I feel from those I love
To avoid their questions, their faces showing great concern and love
But no, I'm not fine
So I go on pretending till I can pretend no more
Until this wall comes crashing down and my cool front hits the floor
Then you will know the truth about me
I am not perfect, I have never claimed to be
I am deeply flawed
Like the rest of you

the frustration

Hey all,

I am currently working on a few different pieces. Surprisingly, they are taking a little longer to complete. I am a stickler for having them just the way I want them.

So don't give up, I will for sure have some new items on here soon.

I want to thank you again for continuing to support me and hit my page up.

You can also follow me on facebook.


Take care and stay forever blessed



Patrice

"Tired" by endlesswill

"Tired" by endlesswill



This is written by my talented cousin William Davis Jr. You can check him out on sound cloud, and Facebook. He is a CD out that is up for sale as well.

Check out his work, this piece is the truth!!

Battle within

"Battle within"

For years I have tried to keep the darkness at bay
Waging this inner battle within my mind
I have so many distractions but none of them are pleasure filled
The guilt and the regrets are constantly thriving
The feeling makes me feel so alive
But that's only because there is so much hate
at the same time I'm  miserable
With no end in sight
The feeling that I feel is that of inner rogue of some sort of beast
I'm on the edge of this precipice
With no strength to rein myself in
I feel like I could jump and still be breathing
I voice out my rage by vociferating
This darkness will become my end
I search and I search
But the darkness looms closer
Like the tide is rolling in
I search for countless solutions
Only making my doom more literal
No sense in pretending that this is what I wanted
I wish I could run away
But there is no point in hiding
This darkness is inside, beating with my heart
It's a living parasite
It has taken all the good
And replaced it with deceit, death, and destruction on such a level that good will never be able to compete
I have tried to kill it numerous times
It just smiles back at me and chips away at my pride
So insecure because at any moment it can take over
I'm not the same impressionable person
Sometimes i don't recognize the person that stares back at me
Confusion hits me like a MAC truck
Wondering when did "she" take my place
Is that really me or a figment of my imagination?
Has the darkness changed me completely or am I still struggling to win

Thank you

Hello,

I have been blogging for almost a week now and I would like to thank the people that have shared, liked, and commented on my writings. I have gotten a lot of feedback from Facebook mainly, but I have enjoyed it.

Dreams are coming true, and I thank those that have pushed me further and have supported me. 


Much love,

Patrice

The escape

"The escape"

Imprisoned in this hell

Escape forever on my mind

Even after time has passed my thoughts remain the same

Gotta get out of this prison this environment has grown strange

The last amount of innocence has forever been changed

The feelings of suffocation have increased 

Feeling surrounded by demons in black cloaks 

People trying to corrupt me further 

Only makes me run faster 

Running toward an absolution

Daily chest pains stemming from the stress

The undeniable feeling of helplessness

Looking out the windows of the cell 

Makes me feel acrimonious

But somehow I feel like I'm too late to explain 

This feels permanent, just a continuation of a past permanent hell

I look to the heavens

Confused and out of pocket

Not knowing where to start

If there is any logic in this

My mind feels like a rubix cube

I continue to check for an exit

And as I walk it all seems familiar 

But the exit sign has not appeared

Getting choked up, I ask out loud

"What is the reason?"

No reply is given 

I come to the conclusion that this will be forever my prison cell

It's etched in my heart

We all have had a relationship that has truly tested us and made us realize that we are stronger than we even knew. Those relationships that you try your hardest to make it work, you put in time, effort, sacrifice and it's all because of LOVE. 

Sometimes all the work you put into it fixes what was broken, sometimes you realize your only the one working. The only one working and trying to improve what you still hold so dear. Do not feel alone because we all have been there. 

Enjoy 


It's etched in my heart
The memories of us
The intimacy and feelings we shared
A love like ours is once in a lifetime 
The sad part it was filled with passion and regret
Passion is easily explained but sometimes involved pain
Regret because we built what we had on a friendship 
That soon turned into a roller coaster of a relationship 
We had fights and fights turned into make up sex that was raw and uninhibited
The bedroom was the glue that kept us together
Lack of communication when shit was wrong drove us apart
Many misunderstandings and sleepless nights
Turned into second guessing and pulling apart
There was many times I stuck it out because the love was so great and rare and at times I wanted to walk away and say I'm done with this shit, your not being fair
Not being fair with your giving aspect of the relationship
I always gave and all you did was take
My heart was bigger and so it ached 
It ached for you to feel the depth that I felt
It ached for you to realize what you had before it was too late
It ached for you to step up and be the man I knew you could be
It ached for you to be there in ways I was there for you
It's forever etched in my heart just how much I wanted you, how much I loved you at one point, and how to this day you still have a place in my heart
I have forgiven you for all the wrong, and accusations and the many misconceptions about me
I just wish that it hadn't taken years for you to see in me what i saw in you
You were insecure and didn't believe me when I told you the truth 
You always heard what you wanted to hear
You wanted to put limitations on my interactions with other men 
Not hearing me when I told you they were just a friend
It hurt to see that you clearly didn't trust me but could tell me you love me
Love without trust? 
I knew I should have left sooner than later
But what I felt was real, not lust
But truly happily ever after
Present day conversations brings me to these many realizations
You never knew what love was
When we were together
You only realized how special I was 
When you saw that the grass was not greener
I'm sure it was hard for you to admit 
That I was the best you've ever had
It's forever etched in my heart

I wrote this based on how I think a woman would feel if her ife was turned upside down, just for giving in to her internal desires.

I hope you enjoy, leave comments if you like.

"Why me"

Unnatural feelings of hatred
Placed at the hands of the men
That have lied and decieved

Bitter words spoken profusely
How could this man give me a disease?
The man I love who I thought was faithful to me

Disbelief and confusion wrack my brain
While my tainted heart tries to heal
The tears spill down my face
My emotions flicker across my face

I am so sad but yet so angry
I trusted him completely
While he made a fool out of me

How can I move on
When I feel so broken
My mind flutters to the memories
Of the times we talked about the future

Now there is no hope for the future
No such thing after this
 Repercussions will follow

I have no control over the things that I am thinking
I want revenge with the quickness
All I can think about is retribution

He took so much from me
I can not get it back
I was faithful and monogamous
 I didn't ask for this

 I practiced safe sex
And still I wonder how did I end up like this

Love

How does love make you feel? Does it make you feel all tingly inside, hot with desire or is it so frustrating that you could scream?

We all have different experiences in every relationship. Some good and some bad, some last and some don't.

We have all experienced the highs and lows of love, that made me question is it truly a friend or foe.

Enjoy


FRIEND OR FOE

Are you a friend or foe?
You can be pure and simplistic
With minimal demands
Grand and full of illusions
It takes awhile to know the real truth
Damaging and constantly inflicting pain
Your a double edged sword of the worst kind
So much emphasis on those three words
It will consume your every being
It will make you confused
Stumbling and talking incoherently
This thing we call love
Mixed emotions
Jumbled thoughts
You might appear as if you have a disease
Infected with this incurable delirious mind bending illness
Heart palpitations, butterflies a fluttering
Questioning your self
Looking for reassurance with in one self
Love makes you blind
It will distract you every time
Love is the ultimate altered state of mind
Not realizing or just not seeing
The damages that are being done
You giggle uncontrollably like an adolescent
Whenever your significant other is around
Your all smiles
With no defected mood in sight
Your body goes into a frenzy
When they recite those magical words
Spellbound and paralyzed
You think he's the one
The reality hits you sometime later
Making you realize your heart failed you
Feeling betrayed by your heart and mind
Ready to forgive and continue on
But the betrayal is very strong
Broken heart, tears and depression wrack your body
You silently vow to never love another
Only this vicious cycle repeats on and on
This thing called love
Is it a friend or foe

For as long as I can remember I have had a passion for writing. The majority of the time I write about my personal experiences on love, relationships, sex, anger, betrayal - you name it!! I have written about it.

This past year has taken me to places I did not know existed in my life, I have found creativity and depth in my current pieces that I never knew existed.

I have wrote about realistic situations and things that have happened to me or someone close to me.  I have begun to dream about making this writing game a reality.

No dream is too small or too big to conquer and I want to take you on my journey..

Welcome to my blog!


**Patrice