Battle within

"Battle within"

For years I have tried to keep the darkness at bay
Waging this inner battle within my mind
I have so many distractions but none of them are pleasure filled
The guilt and the regrets are constantly thriving
The feeling makes me feel so alive
But that's only because there is so much hate
at the same time I'm  miserable
With no end in sight
The feeling that I feel is that of inner rogue of some sort of beast
I'm on the edge of this precipice
With no strength to rein myself in
I feel like I could jump and still be breathing
I voice out my rage by vociferating
This darkness will become my end
I search and I search
But the darkness looms closer
Like the tide is rolling in
I search for countless solutions
Only making my doom more literal
No sense in pretending that this is what I wanted
I wish I could run away
But there is no point in hiding
This darkness is inside, beating with my heart
It's a living parasite
It has taken all the good
And replaced it with deceit, death, and destruction on such a level that good will never be able to compete
I have tried to kill it numerous times
It just smiles back at me and chips away at my pride
So insecure because at any moment it can take over
I'm not the same impressionable person
Sometimes i don't recognize the person that stares back at me
Confusion hits me like a MAC truck
Wondering when did "she" take my place
Is that really me or a figment of my imagination?
Has the darkness changed me completely or am I still struggling to win